Breaking: Scott Walker Officially Drops Out Of 2016 Presidential Race

The Republican presidential candidates not named Donald Trump are slowly beginning to throw in the towel, unable to challenge the abrasive business tycoon with either funds, personality, or creative ideas. The latest to fall is Tea Party darling and Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, once the hand-picked champion of the Koch Brothers’ and the executor of their neofascist agenda. Three Republicans close to the governor have confirmed that he intends to announce his withdrawal at a press conference later today.

When questioned as to what was the final nail in the coffin, the New York Times reported that “the short answer is money. He’s made a decision not to limp into Iowa.” It would appear that the support of oligarchs like Koch Brothers has decayed with Walker’s poll numbers. Once seen as a smart pick for the eventual nominee, Walker’s uninspiring debate performances, unpopular union-busting labor policies, and terrible economic track record failed to excite a Republican base that is foaming at the mouth for Trump and his particular brand of xenophobic rabble-rousing.

It’s a mark of just how poor a candidate he really was. Poised to take advantage of the Koch Brothers’ fortunes and their massive network of political advocacy groups, he instead threw it all away on policy flip-flops and cultivating a boring and forced public image. Good riddance to you, Mr. Walker.

Two down, eighteen more to go.

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